If visitors don’t get it, they won’t scroll, click, or buy.
And for most startups, that problem starts with the headline.
Your headline is the first thing people read, but it’s often treated like an afterthought — a tagline instead of a tool. In reality, it’s the most valuable line of copy on your entire site. It decides whether someone stays or leaves.
After reviewing and redesigning hundreds of landing pages, I’ve noticed that weak headlines almost always fail for the same reasons. Let’s go through them.
1. They’re too vague
If your headline doesn’t clearly explain what your product does or why it matters, users have to guess -- and guessing kills conversions.
Be specific. Spell out what you do and what problem you solve.
- bad: "Get more sales today!"
- good: “3 simple tweaks to boost your sales by 25%”
2. They use jargon
“Omnichannel synergies” might sound smart in a meeting, but it turns real people away. Complex language creates distance between you and your audience.
Speak like your customer, not your industry.
- Bad: “Leverage cutting-edge NLP cohort segmentation”
- Good: “Easily group customers based on behavior”
3. They overpromise
If it sounds too good to be true, people won’t believe it. Big claims without proof destroy trust.
Make bold statements, but back them up with credibility or data.
- Bad: “Double your revenue in 24 hours!”
- Good: “Increase customer sign-ups with proven conversion strategies”
4. They’re too broad
If your message tries to talk to everyone, it speaks to no one. A founder wants to feel seen -- not sold to like a crowd.
Call out your audience or their exact pain point.
- Bad: “The best software for everyone.”
- Good: “A CRM built for early-stage startups to scale faster”
5. They focus on features, not benefits
Users don’t care about what your product does -- they care about what it helps them do.
Lead with outcomes, not specs.
- Bad: “AI-driven data analytics with advanced reporting tools”
- Good: “Make smarter decisions with real-time AI insights"
6. They’re too long
People skim. If your headline takes effort to read, they’ll skip it.
Cut extra words. Clarity beats cleverness every time.
- Bad: “A comprehensive guide to advanced copywriting strategies…”
- Good: “Optimize your team’s workflow with AI insights"
The Bottom Line
A strong headline is clear, specific, and centered on the reader — not the product. It should pass the “one-glance test”:
Can someone instantly tell what you do and why it matters?
If not, the rest of your landing page doesn’t matter.
At Humbl Design, we fix this daily using The Humbl Framework™ -- a system for designing fast, conversion-focused pages that make users feel clarity from the very first second.
Because when your headline connects, everything else follows.
Any statistics cited in this post come from third‑party studies and industry reports conducted under their own methodologies. They are intended to be directional, not guarantees of performance. Real outcomes will depend on your specific market, traffic quality, and execution.
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